mental health

Podcast: Episode 74 – Running Won’t Fix Your Mental Health

Zoey · May 25, 2018 · 2 Comments

This week in the podcast I dive into one of the things that people first said to me when I was having a severe depressive episode: “You should exercise more!”

It makes no sense for someone who is depressed, and it makes even less sense to someone who is depressed and already running 30km a week. Recently having had a period where I couldn’t run I had the opportunity to look at what my mental health would be like without running. I always thought it would suffer, and you know sometimes it did, but I also have lots of other things in my toolbox too. So this week I talk a bit about what that might look like.

Starting over.

OperationMove · December 10, 2014 · 4 Comments

If you follow our social media or have read this blog for a while, you already know that since the Sydney marathon I’ve not been running long.

In fact the greatest distance I’ve done since September is 10 kilometres and that was mostly a walk with some gorgeous OpMovers anyway.

I’ve spent the past twelve weeks in a program designed to build muscle, reboot metabolism and increase strength. But bulk gains mean no endurance running, because doing so would be counterproductive. I’ve done sprints, tempos, fartleks and the like, but only one naughty easy 6k that I snuck in because I felt like I desperately needed it for my head.

I went from running 40 – 50kms a week to 5, and it was a hard adjustment to make. Luckily my personal trainer is about the best guy I know right now, and fun to hang out with even when he’s making me lift up really really heavy things. Otherwise I don’t know if I’d have lasted this long without losing it a bit. It could well be argued that I have anyway.

Not doing easy runs meant that I lost my zen time. My processing and having ideas and learning and being ME time. The past few months have been the most challenging of my life on a personal level, and I’d given away my best strategy for dealing with things.

But in the process, I was getting physically stronger through lifting. And that strength translated to increased self confidence, which in turn led to the understanding that I am emotionally stronger than I ever believed possible. I don’t think I’d have learned that, had I not stopped running.

So now I’m at the end of this particular program, and this weekend I’m heading to the Gold Coast to watch my endlessly patient, eternally giving and downright brilliant Zoey run her first ultramarathon. While I’m there, I’m taking on a 15k myself.

I don’t know how I feel about it.

I have missed long runs so much, but I don’t know if I have it in me. Logically I know that my legs still work and will take me 15kms one way or another, even if I walk some of it. But running isn’t just a physical thing, it’s an emotional one too. This will be my first real run since my world shifted forever, and I have a fear that all the emotion of the past few months will come tumbling out and stop me in my tracks.

I have no time goal. I’m not setting myself up for anything other than crossing the line.

But I’m as nervous as the first time I pulled on my trainers and decided to learn to run. More so maybe, because this particular run marks the beginning of what will be an epic 5 month training program encompassing strength and power work with my PT as well as a LOT of long slow kilometres as we begin the build for Comrades.

So if I pop up on your Instagram or Facebook this weekend looking all bright and confident in yet another half face selfie, chances are unless it is Sunday afternoon, I’m freaking out a little on the inside.

Thank goodness I know I’ve got my team. I know you’ve got my back. Because this feels like the first step of a brand new life for me, and it is exciting and terrifying and I just want to get it right this time.

Dorothy’s Story; Walking Out Of Depression

OperationMove · January 29, 2014 · 9 Comments

Sometimes I have to remind myself that just getting out the door for a walk is a huge accomplishment.

I am great at beating myself up for not moving enough, for not eating healthy enough, for just not being enough.

So I have to remind myself.

I have been carrying an extra 20 kilos for the last 15 years, which is exactly how long I’ve been on anti-depressants. I suspect that nothing short of a major lifestyle change will enable me to shift it and going off my meds is not yet an option.

So I have to remind myself that a) I have depression and b) I am on medication. When my mood is low, getting out the door and moving really is an achievement.

I will never be a runner, nor do I want to be one. I am, however, a walker. It’s been my favourite form of exercise for like, ever. As a child, I was allowed to roam the neighbourhood pretty freely and walked huge distances just about every day, especially on holidays.

I have lovely memories of summer holidays in the Polish countryside where I rambled through wheat fields, cow pastures and the local cemetery. There were favourite houses I checked on on my walks and the best spots to pick wild flowers.

I walked to and from school, went bushwalking on holidays and explored several European cities on foot.

When my babies were little I regularly walked with the pram for both exploratory and exercise purposes and when they grew I walked alongside them on their bikes. The older they became though, the less willing they were to get out for a longer walk. And, frankly, walking with small children is more of an exploration than actual exercise.

My moving became haphazard over the years, especially since my youngest started school. I can’t blame lack of time, it was pure laziness. Walking along the same streets day in day out became really boring for someone who’s always equated walking with exploring.

Looking for motivation and accountability, I joined Operation Move and it’s been life changing.

When everyone in the group is moving and discussing their moving, it is hard to keep sitting on the couch or in front of the computer. There have been many occasions when just thinking about the group has got my butt out the door and walking.

Whenever I feel bad that I’ve only walked once in a week, rather than my goal of three, someone in the group will remind me that it’s one time more than somebody who hasn’t moved at all.

OperationMOVE has shifted my view of walking from exploration to serious exercise and so now I take it seriously. I still walk the same streets, but I concentrate on what I’m doing, rather than on my surroundings. I focus on the work my body is doing and repeat affirmations as I go. Sometimes I look up to take in my environment and am grateful for making the move out of Melbourne.

Taking walking seriously, I even bought workout singlets and sports bras and am no longer ashamed of my body as I walk. Because I AM moving.

I doubt that my goal of walking 3 times a week will make much of a difference to my weight, but it is definitely making me fitter and I have lost a few kilos, as I also adjusted what I eat.

My walking pace has improved heaps since joining Operation Move and taking walking seriously helps me feel better about myself. My mood is better when I walk regularly and I am slowly beginning to organise my days around my walks. Sometimes we do family walks, but I prefer to walk alone.

Walking is one of my strategies for managing depression and anxiety. I’ve already reduced one of my medications and will try to reduce the other soon.

Being medication free and sane are my ultimate goals. Losing all that weight would be a bonus. I wonder if I can get there.

Dorothy has been blogging for over five years, most recently at Dorothy K. She blogs to keep herself sane, more or less, writing about resilience, mental health and solo parenting.

A sole parent of two boys, Dorothy is also a freelance copywriter, thinker and problem solver. Since beginning blogging she has launched two businesses and left Melbourne to live in Ballarat.