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You are here: Home / Archives for depression

depression

Depression Doesn’t Look Like You Think It Does

Zoey · April 24, 2015 · 4 Comments

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In 2013, Kate and I suffered from depression at the same time. When we came out the other side of that, we said we would never go back. But Kate had to for a time. And I probably knew before she did. It was probably as far back as October of last year or a bit before. Depression doesn’t always look like you think it does. Just because someone is happy, doesn’t mean they aren’t depressed. Depression isn’t always unending, bottomless sorrow or deep, paralysing fear. Sometimes it starts in a more insidious way than that. Often it starts that way, I think. It sneaks in, like it was there all along, or like it was invited and it lies in wait before revealing its true form in all of its brutal ugliness.

At a certain point, I guess I noticed that she couldn’t feel or express empathy towards me. I think that’s when I noticed, because you take notice of things when they are so far outside someone’s character. It can be a tough thing to be a friend to a depressed person. Just because it isn’t personal, doesn’t mean it isn’t deeply hurtful. And it certainly feels personal. But it isn’t. There is the person, and then there is the disease and they are not the same thing. If you are going to be a friend to someone who is depressed, then you need to be able to figure out the difference between the two.

Because you aren’t depressed it can be easy to fall into unrealistic expectations or unfair comparisons. You aren’t in the box, so you can’t possibly know what that person is capable of. Sometimes all they will be capable of is feeding themselves for the day and sometimes that might even be a stretch. So there where lots of gaps to fill in Operation Move, and I was so happy to do that. Because when you are friends with someone who is depressed you cling for dear life to anything practical that can be done. Anything at all. There’s nothing you can do, really. All you can do is smooth out some of the rough edges.

Partnerships are like marriages. When something happens, the other one will pick up all the slack, but it is a temporary measure, because a marriage doesn’t work with one person, it needs two. It can be a lot of pressure in those temporary periods. Because there is no fallback position from you. So it doesn’t matter if you are having a fight with your husband or your kids are feral or you are working more than is healthy – things still need to be done. And you cling to that because it’s the one thing that you can fix.

And then you wait. You wait for them to accept they need help. You wait for them to see the disease. And then you wait for that person you know to shake the disease loose. And you hope. You do a lot of hoping.

As a coach, looking after someone with depression is an exercise in nurture and intuition. Before Kate made the decision to have some great half marathon runs this year instead of spending so much time on marathon training, I knew. I’d been pushing her to run some moderate speed workouts for a couple of months because I knew the reason she didn’t want to do that was the reason she didn’t want to run a marathon.

My theory in training and in life is choose your hard. Sometimes there is so much hard in your life, that your training has to be easy. When you’ve used up all of your hard elsewhere, it has to be fun and joyful. It has to be capable of giving you more than you give it.

As a friend, you can’t keep those deep wounds in your heart, they belong to the disease and you have to let them go.

Dorothy’s Story; Walking Out Of Depression

OperationMove · January 29, 2014 · 9 Comments

 

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Sometimes I have to remind myself that just getting out the door for a walk is a huge accomplishment.

I am great at beating myself up for not moving enough, for not eating healthy enough, for just not being enough.

So I have to remind myself.

I have been carrying an extra 20 kilos for the last 15 years, which is exactly how long I’ve been on anti-depressants. I suspect that nothing short of a major lifestyle change will enable me to shift it and going off my meds is not yet an option.

So I have to remind myself that a) I have depression and b) I am on medication. When my mood is low, getting out the door and moving really is an achievement.

I will never be a runner, nor do I want to be one. I am, however, a walker. It’s been my favourite form of exercise for like, ever. As a child, I was allowed to roam the neighbourhood pretty freely and walked huge distances just about every day, especially on holidays.

I have lovely memories of summer holidays in the Polish countryside where I rambled through wheat fields, cow pastures and the local cemetery. There were favourite houses I checked on on my walks and the best spots to pick wild flowers.

I walked to and from school, went bushwalking on holidays and explored several European cities on foot.

When my babies were little I regularly walked with the pram for both exploratory and exercise purposes and when they grew I walked alongside them on their bikes. The older they became though, the less willing they were to get out for a longer walk. And, frankly, walking with small children is more of an exploration than actual exercise.

My moving became haphazard over the years, especially since my youngest started school. I can’t blame lack of time, it was pure laziness. Walking along the same streets day in day out became really boring for someone who’s always equated walking with exploring.

Looking for motivation and accountability, I joined Operation Move and it’s been life changing.

When everyone in the group is moving and discussing their moving, it is hard to keep sitting on the couch or in front of the computer. There have been many occasions when just thinking about the group has got my butt out the door and walking.

Whenever I feel bad that I’ve only walked once in a week, rather than my goal of three, someone in the group will remind me that it’s one time more than somebody who hasn’t moved at all.

OperationMOVE has shifted my view of walking from exploration to serious exercise and so now I take it seriously. I still walk the same streets, but I concentrate on what I’m doing, rather than on my surroundings. I focus on the work my body is doing and repeat affirmations as I go. Sometimes I look up to take in my environment and am grateful for making the move out of Melbourne.

Taking walking seriously, I even bought workout singlets and sports bras and am no longer ashamed of my body as I walk. Because I AM moving.

I doubt that my goal of walking 3 times a week will make much of a difference to my weight, but it is definitely making me fitter and I have lost a few kilos, as I also adjusted what I eat.

My walking pace has improved heaps since joining Operation Move and taking walking seriously helps me feel better about myself. My mood is better when I walk regularly and I am slowly beginning to organise my days around my walks. Sometimes we do family walks, but I prefer to walk alone.

Walking is one of my strategies for managing depression and anxiety. I’ve already reduced one of my medications and will try to reduce the other soon.

Being medication free and sane are my ultimate goals. Losing all that weight would be a bonus. I wonder if I can get there.

 

Dorothy fitspo

 

Dorothy has been blogging for over five years, most recently at Dorothy K. She blogs to keep herself sane, more or less, writing about resilience, mental health and solo parenting.

A sole parent of two boys, Dorothy is also a freelance copywriter, thinker and problem solver. Since beginning blogging she has launched two businesses and left Melbourne to live in Ballarat.

 

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