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It’s not enough to go through the motions

February 5, 2018 //  by Zoey//  Leave a Comment

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Depression is a curious thing. You are okay, until you aren’t. And I crossed over into not being okay last week some time. The line can be as distinct as that. One minute you are travelling along in your own lane and then things start to pile up on top of you faster than you can manage them.

“You have a huge strength imbalance and a biomechanics problem. This is a disaster waiting to happen. And that’s good news.”
-Treatment Session, 29th January

I go into treatment sessions hoping to find problems. No-one wants to be told there’s nothing wrong, because clearly there is something very wrong which is why I’m still experiencing pain 7 weeks after stopping all aggravating exercise. Problems are fixable. That’s their great advantage. But they are also overwhelming. And sometimes the scale of a problem can seem bigger than your were hoping or expecting or even know how to deal with.

So far I have multiple entrapped nerves, bones that have been pulled out of position by my scoliosis, an extraordinarily weak right hip and a biomechanics problem. They are fixable. But it’s also a lot of things. And unlike a bone breaking or a muscle tearing, there’s no timeline for a body with only one functioning side.

I like to think about what I might be able to do once I have two functioning sides, but it seems a bit too far away to focus on right now.

“This is the hard part. No matter how depressed you feel, you have to keep talking to us. Because nothing is going to work if you can’t be proactive.”
-Treatment Session, 31st January

Well meaning people ask me if I’m enjoying the break. ‘A break from what?’ I ask. I miss the creativity that happens on long runs, I miss taking photos, I miss that pleasantly tired feeling when your brain empties itself over the course of the run and I miss having something to reach for.

“Are you sleeping?”
– Conversation with my mother, 3rd February

Yes. I’m still sleeping. I know what she’s asking. There was always a possibility that if I had a significant injury I might have to go back on anti-depressants, but I’m not at that bridge yet. I’m still sleeping, my thought patterns aren’t disturbed and I’m still functional, everything just feels that bit harder than it should, like everything takes double the power, double the focus, double the will.

“This is going to be really difficult, but you need to find a way to focus on the process.”
-Coaching Session, 31st January

The process. I’ve been listening to “The Obstacle is the Way” on audiobook to help me with this. I loved the process of running, but with swimming and cycling I’m like one of those people who wear “I hate cardio” t-shirts as if all cardio and all types of training are the same, interchangeable and meaningless. I need to find ways to commit to the process that don’t result in me half-assing training because it’s not what I want to be doing.

“In every situation, life is asking us a question, and our actions are the answer.”
– Ryan Holiday, The Obstacle Is the Way

This could be the best gift I’ve ever been given. That doesn’t mean it’s not hard. But ultimately it will come down to what can I control? I decide if I do my rehab exercises (and do them with purpose), I decide what I eat to help my body and muscles and tendons recovery, I decide how much sleep I get and I decide how much intention I put into embracing what I can do, doing it well and finding things to love about it.

I still decide. I decide to put my disappointment and sadness and frustration into creating something strong, better and more resilient than it ever could have been before.

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Category: PersonalTag: injury

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Zoey | Running Coach 🏃‍♀️ and Podcast 🎙
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I didn’t do my run yesterday because I had an An I didn’t do my run yesterday because I had an Anatomy exam and I figured my brain could use all the sleep it could get. I’m not sure if it helped! 

The thirds progression run is my favourite. This was 15km but I’ve done a lot of different distances where it’s first third comfortable, middle third steady state, final third tempo. 

I think you always have a little bit of resistance to runs you’ve pushed back even when they are your favourite. But once I was out there today I was reminded of all the things you love about it when you get out of your own way.
One thing I’ve noticed over the years is that wh One thing I’ve noticed over the years is that when I’m struggling in the mental health stakes you won’t see my face. It’s not purposeful, I just lose the ability to look myself in the eye. 

I think we are all in it at the moment, one way or another. So taking my wins. I did run 94.9km this week. I was the soft place for my kids to fall this week when they were struggling with pets dying and staring down the barrel of a neurodiverse diagnosis. And I just showed up. For them. For me. Did my best. And allowed peoples kindness. Was grateful for friends holding my hand in the lab at uni, was grateful for my brother who always listens and sees me, was grateful for people at the gym who let me know it was okay to be sad, grateful at parkrun for people who told me they paced off me. Grateful for all the people who gave me space for imperfection. 

Give yourself space. And compassion. You don’t have to earn it.
There is no secret, keep going. Photo thanks to There is no secret, keep going. 

Photo thanks to run club today where we got very lucky with the rain holding off until we made it to the car. Sometimes it’s worth taking a gamble on the weather, or yourself
Happy Mothers Day weekend (yes it’s a whole week Happy Mothers Day weekend (yes it’s a whole weekend). Here’s to all the women who smoothed our path and allowed us to stand on their shoulders even when we couldn’t see it.
I’m going to need a lot more coffee after that 😜

Marathon training starting to get a bit real. Some sprints at the gym this morning and I compromised on the long run distance by reducing it by 3km thanks to the gym running for 19km. Which might not seem like much but I was glad to be done at 19!
“I do not know what I may appear to the world, b “I do not know what I may appear to the world, but to myself I seem to have been only like a boy playing on the seashore, and diverting myself in now and then finding a smoother pebble or a prettier shell than ordinary, whilst the great ocean of truth lay all undiscovered before me.” - Isaac Newton

I came across this quote this week and it reminded me that what we don’t know is where the magic is
All business in front with a party out the back. J All business in front with a party out the back. Just kidding. We consider both running and chatting and fun all as equal partners in run club! 

It’s like that Study they did in rugby where they found all of their fancy recovery methodologies paled in comparison to people just hanging out with each other after the game. 

People need people. We are all about improving over time but the actual sessions we do are secondary to the people part. As long as we are moving it kind of doesn’t matter. Community will always trump precision.
Ain’t no party like a half marathon party 💜 Ain’t no party like a half marathon party 💜

Annual tradition of 21km for Anzac Day, with our minute of silence at sunrise. 

Always such a treat to have such good company 💕
parkrun number 41 in the bag! One of those days wh parkrun number 41 in the bag! One of those days where you just really appreciate being part of the running and CrossFit community here. I’m not a gregarious person by any stretch but I’ve been able to find my place and that’s pretty awesome
“A genius is the one most like himself.” - The “A genius is the one most like himself.” - Thelonious Monk
Another addition to the pandemic PB files! I recko Another addition to the pandemic PB files! I reckon the 8 turns and running off a heavy bench press set is probably worth a few seconds too 😉
Now keenly aware of when my leg backswing doesn’ Now keenly aware of when my leg backswing doesn’t break 90 degrees. Thanks human growth and development lectures.

Anyway, made a commitment to myself after the last race (and after Melbourne holiday) that I would get my arse into gear on all the little things that are actually very big things. 

You can always do the work, but it doesn’t really have any quality or purpose unless you are eating, sleeping and recovering properly. But for most of us it’s just easier to do more work and pretend it’s better. 

One of the pitfalls of having done something for a long time is you can always do it, even when your habits have been a bit shit. 

But nothing changes, unless you change it 💜
Great to be back at parkrun this week! 5km tempo f Great to be back at parkrun this week! 5km tempo for me and then the biggest coffee I could find 😜
Look, it’s tough to maintain a progression run u Look, it’s tough to maintain a progression run up two decent sized hills, but all it takes is a bit of Strava motivation and a deep sense of avoidance of the human anatomy quiz that is due.
No matter what ails you, a 2 hour long run will pr No matter what ails you, a 2 hour long run will probably fix it. 

Finishing our Melbourne trip with the holy grail of shopping: Patagonia, Lululemon and Morris & Sons (Yarn Shop).

There is no such thing as yarn problems, only storage problems.
Kiddo this morning: Why do you like running so muc Kiddo this morning: Why do you like running so much? You should like spending time with me more than running. 

Other mum’s know. Sometimes the best way to love your kids is to show them that when they are parents they deserve to do things that are just for them.
My overwhelming thought on running in Melbourne: y My overwhelming thought on running in Melbourne: you spoiled bastards 🤣 Such a great running city 💜
There are a million ways to find wins and successe There are a million ways to find wins and successes in a habit or in a process and only one way to succeed at a goal. And even if you do, then it’s gone and you don’t have it anymore. 

You can have a goal, but step one is the person who shows up.
Getting in a run club session on a Tuesday before Getting in a run club session on a Tuesday before I head down to Melbourne for a week. How good is not daylight saving?

Always my favourite hour of the week! 💜
The greatest thing about races is they show you th The greatest thing about races is they show you the gap between where you are and where you’d like to be. Running is very measurable. So I got the most out of myself on the weekend but I also got the benefit of knowing what I need to work towards. The nitty gritty is by the end of the year I’d like to find a couple of minutes on my 5k. And there’s like an easy way to do that and a hard way. But I’ll probably need to do both things. 

That’s the gift of racing, it always gives you the next thing.
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