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Ready to Fail, Ready to Fly

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My favourite thing about this photo is that the pain of those last hard kilometres are over even though I haven’t crossed the line yet, because I know that I’ve already finished. It’s done.

The hardest thing about any race is the pacing. You’d think it would be the training. You’d think it would be the 954.8km I ran in the thirteen weeks that led up to that moment. You’d think it would be all those hard sessions which seemed just beyond my ability at the time, which I (mostly) managed to complete. You’d think it would be the body maintenance I had to do in the first month while I was coping with the adjustment to the distance. Or you might think it was the time when I set my alarm for 3:30am three times a week to get my distance in. But it wasn’t. It was the pacing.

Because pacing isn’t about discipline, it’s about how fast you think you can go.

The risk you take is that if you are overly-aggressive with pacing and rate your ability too highly, you can fall apart at the end. And if you don’t back yourself enough you can end up finishing strong but with a race that doesn’t truly represent what you are capable of. And I was willing to fail, really fail. I just wanted to know what I was capable of. Even if that meant blowing up in the middle. Even if it meant dragging myself through the last 8km. That would be a reasonable sacrifice for me to know what I could do, without hedging my bets on something safe.

As great as the tune up race had been a few weeks earlier, it had given me very little information to go on. I had more or less made my pacing for the day. But due to a less than ideal lead up, it gave me no indication that I was capable of anything more than the 1:46:30 I ran at the Gold Coast.

The safe bet would have been to pace for a 1:44 half marathon. A decent improvement on what I’d already done. Especially taking into account that Melbourne is not pancake flat like the Gold Coast and it can tend to be a bit warmer. But I just felt like I had more. And deep down 1:40 was my number. And I decided to go for it. If I thought about averaging 4:44 pace for 21km it was terrifying. Because frankly, it felt hard enough doing that for 6km. But you just have to trust that the training is one thing and a race is something else. When you need to dig deep, you will find another level. I took comfort in the predictor workouts I’d done in the last few weeks which did indicate I was capable of it, even if I didn’t really think I could do it.

So following my trusty negative split strategy for half marathons this was my goal for the race:

3km Warm Up @ 4:54 pace

5km @ 4:46 pace

5km @ 4:44 pace

5km @ 4:41 pace

3km @ 4:34.

I tried not to look at it too hard, because it looked over-ambitious.

What I did on the day was 3km @ 4:53 pace, 5km @ 4:47, 5km @ 4:43, 5km @ 4:38, 3km @ 4:38.

I was excited when I got to the last 3km and I couldn’t speed up, because I knew I had reached the entirety of what I could do that day, and that filled me with a kind of joy, that no time ever could. I knew how fast I could go. And I learnt that you usually have a whole lot more than you ever think you do.

On the fly

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Darrel Chapman Masters Half Marathon. 10th September, 2017

At the start line, anything is possible. There are no bad races. There is no fatigue. There are no road blocks. There is only you and the expanse of uncharted opportunity before you.

You get one, very imperfect chance to find out where your limits are.

There are almost no perfect lead ups to races and this was no different. A couple of weeks before I’d been sick with stomach flu in a way that I can’t remember ever being sick before. Completely incapacitated with it. And I didn’t bounce back, like I normally do. It took more time than I would have liked. And in perfect hindsight, I over-did the water in the morning and I should have planned ahead and used the same gels/fuel that I always use instead of grabbing something from the supermarket at the last minute. But that’s why races are races, and that’s part of what they will teach you that you just can’t learn anywhere else.

This race was different though. I was treating it as one of my threshold sessions in my training plan. So instead of my usual negative split strategy, I was following my threshold sets instead, with a bit of a longer warm up.

So the plan was:
3km @ 5:15 min/km pace
1km @ 5:30 min/km pace (this is a rather unfortunately paced hill on the course so I didn’t want to destroy myself getting up there)
1km @ 5:10 min/km pace
5km @ 4:50 min/km pace
5:00 Recovery at 5:48 min/km pace
3km @ 4:50 min/km pace
4:00 minutes Recovery at 5:48 min/km pace
2km @ 4:50 min/km pace
2:00 minutes Recovery at 5:48 min/km pace
2km @ 4:50 min/km pace
That would end my quality set. But to finish off my plan was
1:00 minute Recovery at 5:48 min/km pace, followed by
2-3km (depending on what was left) @ 4:50 min/km pace

The main thing that concerned me was managing the hills on the Lismore course at those paces. But if you go up, you get to come down.

First up, there was a warm up. Never under-estimate the warm up.

It felt pretty good, and even though I couldn’t feel my hands I was relieved that it wasn’t going to be too warm.

Next step, COFFEE.

It was at this point that I felt like I’d probably had a bit too much water to drink, so I ditched the coffee half way through. BLASPHEMY.

But you can’t beat a start line. This is the third year I’ve run the Lismore half, and it’s a bit special, so dodgy stomach or not, on pace or not, I soaked it all up.

I had a bit of a watch malfunction at the start. I’d set up all my paces as a workout through garmin connect, so I didn’t need to be constantly looking at my watch. And although it seemed to have started, it got stuck on the start screen. So I had to stop and start a few times with the buttons while running until it kicked into gear.

As I was running along, I felt like I was slow. I was on pace, but everyone was ages in front of me. And I started to feel like maybe the watch malfunction was stil going and it was reflecting pace incorrectly. Turns out, I was just behind a whole lot of men, who run reasonably quickly. But after I got to a landmark where I knew how far I’d gone and I could see that the watch wasn’t wrong, I settled in.

First 3km done at 5:10 min/km pace, and it felt comfortable.

Then came the hill. It’s interesting only running something once a year, because you can definitely tell the difference in your fitness. It wasn’t as bad as I remembered it and I was able to run up this year, instead of hiking.

That kilometre was done at 5:27 min/km pace, right on target thanks to the downhill.

Now I knew I had about 1 kilometre before my first and probably hardest effort would be, so I had a gel and tried to settle in.

That kilometre was done in 5:13 min/km pace.

Then came the next 5km. I’d made the mistake of running some of the course a few days before, so I knew what I was in for. Which was kind of good and kind of bad, but at least I wasn’t surprised when the hills came.

5km done in 4:50 min/km pace.

The 5:00 recovery was up a hill. So I knew if I was going to sacrifice pace somewhere, this would be the spot to do it. So isntead of managing 5:48 pace it was more like 6:20. And it’s about this point that I started feeling like my stomach wasn’t happy, but I had another gel anyway.

3km done in 4:51 min/km pace.

Stomach distress had kicked in and I had no choice but to slow down. But that 1 second off pace was still slightly annoying. I knew that in order to manage the next few quality sets I was going to have to go slower in my recovery periods. So this 4:00 recovery was at 6:18 pace.

2km done in 4:54 min/km pace

In a whole heap of discomfort, and just making the best of it. Recovery for 2:00 at 7:07 pace in the hope that I could find something for the last 2km.

2km done in 4:51 min/km pace. Yeah that extra second was annoying.

But it was done, and I was relieved that in less than ideal circumstances, I’d done the best I could do. Did my 1:00 of easy recovery at 7:29 min/km pace while I weighed my options for the last 3km.

I knew I was winning the masters division. And I’d done 18.8km in 1:36:30. So I knew to equal a PB I would need to absolutely blitz those 2.3km, and although lungs and legs felt great, stomach was unwilling to cooperate. So, I just ran at what I could manage comfortably.

2.5km @ 4:59 min/km pace

Second best half marathon effort, I will take that!

And any day you get two medals is a good one.

Making decisions mid-race are hard, and it’s easy to second guess yourself. But there were a few things that really helped me on the day. One was being really clear about what my goals were: and my goals were those 5km, 3km, 2km and 2km sets. One was being pragmatic about what was achievable. Given I’d achieved my main goal for the session, I was ahead of anyone else in the masters by about ten minutes, there was no need to absolutely kill myself in the last few kilometres to probably only equal my PB. All that extra effort would take a whole heap away from my training in the next week and it wouldn’t give me a whole lot of benefit on the day.

What I’ve learned about making decisions in races is: don’t make decisions too early – give yourself a chance to settle in, but don’t be afraid of making a decision either. Some things are just outside of your control, and the sooner you accept that and adapt, the better off you will be.

When you are able to make decisions like that you can learn to believe in yourself a bit more, trust yourself a bit more and learn what you need to know the next time you line up at a start line, anything is possible.

One More Try

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“How long should you try for? Until.” – Jim Rohn

I don’t like to chase the pace in intervals, I like to be out in front of it. There’s something about being slower than I need to be and having that pressure of speeding up that I don’t like. It feeds into an idea that I can’t do it. That it’s not possible. I’d much rather start out hot and allow myself to slow down to the pace. It’s my safety net. So I don’t feel like I’m failing.

On Monday, I had one of those sessions where I knew I probably wasn’t ready after being sick for a week, but I also didn’t want it hanging over my head for the rest of the week either. Rip it off like a Band-Aid. How bad could it be.

The workout was 10 x 2:00 at 4:27 pace with 1:00 recoveries. 4:27 is a lot slower than what I’d normally be capable of. At a push I could manage 4:12. So it’s supposed to be a pretty comfortable session to wake up the legs in preparation for Sunday.

But concepts of ‘easy’ and ‘comfortable’ don’t really apply when you’ve been horrendously sick for a week. But worse than being sick was just not having eaten enough. It’s easy to under-estimate the cumulative effect of all of that not eating. Something that became glaringly obvious during the Crossfit session before I’d even started the intervals.

On double up days I usually would wait to have post-workout until after the run was finished, but I decided I needed the extra fuelling before the run.

You have to believe that it’s possible. Sometimes this means quirks in behaviour. Like going somewhere flat so it will be easier. Or having your post-workout before you go. Or wearing your special socks.

“Fail Again. Fail Better.”

The first one I had to fight with my legs to show up. 4:18.

Decided to walk the recoveries which was an excellent decision.

The second one started to feel better. 4:21.

I felt the work in the third one. 4:26.

Found some speed in the fourth. 4:17.

Fought my way up the hill for the fifth. 4:25.

I hate the middle reps. 4:24.

Ten seems like a lot of reps. 4:23.

Couldn’t hold unto the pace. 4:31.

More uphill, but close to the end. 4:32.

One last dash to finish. 4:22.

It felt okay. It felt harder than it should have. It felt good to be capable of it, even when I wasn’t at full capacity.

“Never trust your fears. They don’t know your strength.”

 

Not every day you can see your own breath in the Northern Rivers

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Normally I love testing days but on this day i just couldn’t find any confidence to drop under the bar. just as well the orople you train with make it fun no natrer what, hey?

How pretty is that? What a beautiful way to start a Friday morning! plus Josh was home so i didn’t have to rush to get home so i could just take my time.

Nothing like a bit of fog on the fields to remind you that the world is actually magic. 

And while 10km is not my favourite (I like 8km or 16km) it was very lovely to be outside.

And there were new shoes! 

How many intervals was that again?

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So the plan yesterday was for 16 x 200m in 0:51 seconds with 200m of recovery. SIXTEEN. Seems like an inhumane amount of intervals. Anyway, I was a bit intimidated by the pacing. In my mind, my interval pace is still 5:00 min/km not 4:15 min/km and I had a little trouble wrapping my head around that at first.

Once I got going the mental conversation was more along the lines of “but I can’t run this fast”, followed by “you are running this fast” and then eventually I got to the end. Only two of the intervals were outside the 4:15 pace and not by much, so I was very happy with that.

Third weights session for the week as well. Normally I always run after I lift, rather than the other way around but it’s the school holidays and beggars can’t be choosers.

I love how it threatens me with what I have to lift next time!

But the best part of the day was definitely this reluctant sunrise.